Waiting

It's been awhile since my last post. Let's see if I can briefly catch up. It's a new year. Six weeks into it. I feel different this year. More accepting of myself, my surroundings, my life. I'm in school full time in addition to working full time. It's difficult but I like it. When i'm walking from work to class I feel empowered and wise. I submitted my application for CUNYs J-School. I hope I get accepted to the program. I know my true calling is in Journalism. I made a big personal decision recently. I am coming into my own in terms of embracing my solitude. While I don't think i'll ever get use to being alone, I have come to terms with the idea that I may be alone for the rest of my time here. It's a surreal feeling of happiness and sadness. It's snowing right now.

As I look out my window, I am thinking of tomorrow. The blizzard upon us promises to give us up to a foot of snow. I hope to go out and make " Snow Angelas" in the morning. The happiness comes from knowing I can take care of myself. There in also lies my sadness. I can take care of myself...but I don't want to have to take care of myself. What can one do but wait and want and wait some more. I sense I don't have as much time as I would like here. I can only hope there will be someone to share with soon. It would be such a shame not to be able to share some of me that many haven't taken the opportunity to know. Only time will tell. I've gotten a lot better with dealing with reality yet I haven't let reality take away my sense of optimism. I know I am strong. I just have to keep reminding myself to be strong.

Valentine's Day is coming up. I am going to buy myself some flowers and celebrate that I love me. I don't need valentine's day to remind myself of that but it's a good day not to get caught up like the masses. My flowers represent my courage, my strengths, my fragility. They will also remind me that I am lovable even when others forget i'm here. I know and in the words of Oprah...that's what I know for sure.