The Dream

Last night I had an unexpected crazy but good dream. It was unexpected in the sense that I have had so many negative thoughts over the past few weeks. Not every day was bad but a lot of them were. So it was surprising to have what I will consider a positive dream during a time when my thoughts were not positive. Every single person that I care about was at this party. I call it the celebration party. There were tons of beautiful flowers and the air smelled sweet like sunflowers. Everywhere I looked everyone was laughing, enjoying each others company, making toasts, telling stories. I remember standing on a landing of what was an outdoor courtyard and Lorraine was saying to me, "I told you you could do it." I remember the feeling that I was smiling and...I cried. This time the tears were different. I was happy. I hope that dream comes true. I'm going to work towards my dreams.

Lately I've had my doubts what the hell I'm doing with my life. Not sure why I keep letting fear creep up on me when I thought, for the most part , I had banned it from my daily life. I think the situation at Time Warner affected me a lot more than I thought it would. It's like their evilness won't stop. ..yet another battle to fight with the three stooges. I think I've been looking at things lately from the wrong perspective. Things could be worse right? I could be living on the street or dead. Instead I have a life that some wish they had. Good friends. Family members that care about me in some form. A chance to get more education. A temporary roof over my head. Hell...I can still afford at least basic cable and internet access. Many don't even have one of the few things I listed. I should be and am grateful for my blessings. It's just on some days I forget to be grateful. I need to stop forgetting more. I constantly keep thinking about something Mother Theresa said as a joke. She said, "Lord, I know you won't give me more than I can handle but sometimes I wish you didn't trust me so much!" That quote always makes me smile...just like the dream.