Brahma Muhurta

In certain sects of Hinduism, the act of Brahma Mahurta is very important. What is so special about this time? Basically it is the two hours prior to sunrise where one is said to be closest to God. This line of thinking is used in all practices of yoga and during meditation time. I remember hearing about this practice from my very wise friend Miriam when she made her return from the ashram. I thought how powerful it must be to feel that extra spiritual connection to the original maker. While I don't practice yoga with any consistency, I do find myself thinking of this philosophy on those mornings when I have been dealing with bouts of insomnia or when I wake up before sunrise because my brain will no longer let me sleep. Today was one of those mornings. I woke up at 3:48am. I was so sure I would sleep through the morning after practicing the old wives tale of drinking warm milk and honey. Maybe it doesn't work with soy milk but it was worth a shot.

In the hours of 4am to approximately 5:30, I found myself thinking, meditating, creating possibilities, and praying. The 21st century twist was that I also found myself sending email. During the process, I felt close to God. Loved. For that brief time, I now also realize that I did not fear either. I felt safe. I also remember thinking about all those years ago in junior year of high school when I did my Christian Awakening. The famous quote of the C.A. is "God Don't Make Junk". I still have that button. While I know that my nature is to question everything, I have also learned not to question so much but rather let certain things unfold the way they are supposed to unfold. In the early morning meditation, I have also found that I find strength from within to keep moving forward. I don't know if I will ever intentionally get up at 4am to practice this art, however I am reassured by the fact that on the days I do wake up I can continue to feel the connection I am meant to experience.

The First of December

December 1, 2006

Today brings a mixed bag of thoughts and messages. Here in the city, a young man will be buried after being shot to death by NYPD. Six days ago he was supposed to get married. Instead, the same priest who was to perform the ceremony will be delivering his eulogy. Meanwhile, it would seem that the officers involved are now trying to deflect their "poor judgment" by having their fellow officers search for a fourth man knowing that their were no other people in the vehicle aside from the three they shot. It's amazing just how willing people are to create diversions to deflect bad actions. Only time will tell what happens in this case. In the meantime, family and loved ones have to bury a young man who should be alive today.

It's also World AIDS Day. I haven't seen much news coverage on it. Have people forgotten or are they under the belief that AIDS is under control? It isn't. I think a lot of people have fallen into the trap of believing that the illness isn't a "big deal" and that if contracted, it's just a matter of popping a couple of pills. Last time I checked, AIDS is still in the top five killers list. I hope people don't take for granted the advances that have been made but that their are still many more that needs to happen...including a cure.

Some folks have started their 12 days of Christmas giving. My goal is 31 days of giving anonymously. I have some good ideas and I think the little gestures each day will brighten a stranger's day. At least that's the intention. As for me, I feel a little isolated but sometimes I guess that's a good thing. I did buy tickets for the New Year's Eve performance of the Big Apple Circus. Even though I will probably have to go it alone, I still bought two tickets. Guess that's a habit with me...always getting tickets in pairs. Unlike previous years alone, at least I'll be laughing with a big red nose on my face! I think I'm more concerned about getting home safely than anything else since it's a Sunday night but I'll figure something out. Can't let that stop me from breaking away from the pattern.

Finally, after the most frustrating conversation with AOL and Road Runner, I have a feeling that once school is over I am going to give up these accounts. It's crazy how one can ask a simple question yet it takes 12 minutes and 48 seconds and two transfers to get an answer! Craziness! I'm tired of bureaucracy and ambivalence. What ever happened to keep it simple stupid? I know the only reason why I stay "connected" right now is because everything is technology driven. Mailing resumes in a thing of the past...you have to apply online. Want a paper statement of accounts? No problem, you just have to pay additional if they know you have internet access. Personally, the more connected we are, the more isolating it feels to me. No human interaction. Doesn't work for me. Even with this blog, I still find myself writing by hand in journals. Can't beat the original right?

Oh Christmas Tree

Crapola! That's not even a real word but I found myself shouting it out in my head as the recycling truck did the pickup from the block about 15 minutes ago. Of course I missed putting out paper! Damn efficient sanitation workers! What can you do except put the stuff downstairs for next week's pickup. Scary thing is I woke up just as they hit the top of the block. 15 more minutes and I'd would have been home free. My fault though. I should have put it out there yesterday but got caught up in other things like watching the Christmas Tree lighting!

Wha Who! It's definitely beginning to look a lot like Christmas. I see trees being sold already (who puts live trees up this early...Maybe party goers). I'm so tempted to do something insane like by a tree and gift it to somebody. Hey! That's a great idea! I think I'll do that. Maybe one of the good side effects of sleep deprivation is that more creative ideas are coming into my head. Oops..losing track of time though...I better get my sneakers on an get out of here. I'll have to revisit in a few hours.

Clarity in Confusion

It's mid-week already?!? Time really does fly by if you aren't paying attention to it. Not enough time to write right now but last night in class, I think I found my thesis paper idea! I'm starting to get really freaked out about Advanced Seminar and at the same time glad that it's coming up next semester. I better get going but i'll revisit in a few hours.

9:48am...What a pick me up workout this morning! I feel like I have a second wind. I even started pushing myself to run. I found that even though some days I'm up and other days I'm down but the underlying sentiment is that there is some form of optimism in my head (even if I can't feel it sometimes). Darren was talking about how much he loves his wife and one of the women said that she's giving up in the dating game. I found myself (can you believe it) telling her never to give up and that every pot has a lid! Darren said he's glad he's not in the game anymore. I can't hate on that.

Anyway, I came back to a great email from Sungrim. She says her husband is working on stage three (final level) of the bar exam. It's a very challenging process to become a lawyer in Korea and he has been working very hard. He takes the exam in February. I know he will do well. She adds she can't wait to see me. I can't wait to see her too. It's been so many years since we last saw one another in person. Sometimes I am grateful for technology in the sense that we can communicate with anyone in the world at the touch of a button. However, sometimes I view the advancement as a negative too. We spend so much time tied to computers, "crack"berrys, email, and cell phones that noone sees anybody anymore. I need that human interaction. It's as basic for me as breathing. You can't simulate a hug in email. Well..I better get cracking on schoolwork before I get into a entire rant about getting back to the basics. I have a feeling it's going to be a good rest of the week for me.

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas

I saw my first strand of lights go up in the neighborhood. I love it when people decorate outside in addition to indoors. While I have never put up lights in the three years I've lived here, I think I'm going to do so this weekend. I really don't have the space for a tree but I'm going to decorate the mantle this year too! It will be even better once the cold air returns on Saturday. Can't wait. When I went to the market the other day I caught myself singing along to the Christmas music. One of the guys walking past me started singing too. Too cute! Why can't Christmas music be played all year long?

Anyway, can't write too much right now since I have to leave for class soon. So much to do. It will get done. I ran into Richard yesterday at school. He's studying towards his second Masters degree. Haven't seen him since the funeral several years ago. We'll catch up next week over dinner. Every time I think about him I can't help thinking about Wayne. They were like two peas in a pod. I'm sure Richard misses him as much as I do. His death was such a shock. I had a weird dream about two years ago and Wayne was in it. Again, it was a party scene. It's funny how all of my dreams revolve around party environments. I think that's a good thing. Positive scenes. I better get going.

Happy Monday/Tuesday

I guess at this point I should say Happy Tuesday! Still working on this budget and it's driving me crazy. I may end up with no eyebrows by the time it's done! At least we only have to submit a draft version tomorrow. Almost 1am and I'm still wide awake. I hope this insomnia goes away really soon. As for Monday, it went by pretty quickly as did Sunday. Time flies. December starts this Friday. Before you know it, 2007 will be here. I normally don't make resolutions for the year but rather goals I would like to see happen.

I've been thinking about what I would like to see in the upcoming year. Of course working in an occupation and environment I enjoy is near the top of the list. Travel is another. It's really funny that I am already planning out where I will travel before I even have gainful employment in place. I have a feeling both with work out in my favor. I think I'm going to visit Sungrim next May in Seoul. Haven't plotted the resouces yet but I have a feeling this plan is going to come together. It always amazes me when we get to chat in real time while she's on the other side of the world. Her little boy is adorable! She says he's three going on 23. I can't wait to meet him as well as her husband. I also want to branch out a bit with my volunteering. I like being around children and teens. I'm thinking I may explore working with young adults in some capacity. It's been over ten years since I did the Big Sister program but I think I will reach out in some other venue with teens. So many thoughts and a whole lot of time. Lately, I keep thinking about what Jean always says to me. "You have to walk before you can run." This week I'm going to really push myself during my workouts in addition to other things. It's time to start running.

Monica 10- Getaway

The insomnia is back with a vengeance. I couldn't fall asleep until just after 4am. I found myself taking Tylenol PM the other night and even that didn't work! Go figure. I'm sure eventually my brain get back on track with a more normal sleep pattern. I hope that's really soon. I missed CBS Sunday Morning. These are the days when I miss DVR. I was the queen of time shifting...an advertisers worst nightmare. Anyway, at least I was able to get some of my assignments out of the way. Still have the budget draft to complete, case analysis for Theory, group paper #2, and the final paper for Racial Disparities to go. Piece of cake. LOL. I can't believe it's three weeks until the end of the semester. I really didn't know if I was going to survive it. It really would have been a very expensive semester to have completely failed. I think I have a good shot at getting two A's. Professor Floch has been really hard on the grading so with 40% of my grade riding on the final the pressure is on. I can do this. Going to head outside for about two hours on a date. I always get nervous meeting up with someone new but at the same time it's exciting because I get to meet somebody new. A Sunday afternoon getaway. I guess I should take the time and keep myself in the dating pool. I don't have anything to lose right? I think later this week I'm going to take myself out on a date. I still didn't get to the MOMA or the Picasso exhibit at the Guggenheim. I should go to see the Christmas windows in the city. I think I'll make that one of my artist's dates. O.K. I'm rambling now. I should go since I have tons of work to come back to. It looks so nice outside but I can't wait for some snow!