The Calm before the Storm

Only a few more hours before we will get a deluge of rain. I'm glad it's going to be a rainy day tomorrow. I kind of feel out of it. My head has been hurting me since early this afternoon. I took a nap around 4pm and that helped a bit. I actually feel like crying too. I was watching a particular episode of Sex and the City and found myself tearing up. Honestly, weekends depress me no matter what I do to cheer myself up. I guess part of it is due to the element of surprise. There's only but so many movies I can go to alone, only so many books to bury myself in, only but so many loads of laundry to do. No surprises unless I create them for the most part. I'm getting a bit bored. I even reminded my boytoy the other day that I won't have sex with him anymore because I'm looking for a true emotional connection. He wanted to see me. While I was tempted for some form of temporary gratification, I am holding true to my pledge to myself. Actually, I really want these feelings of loneliness that creep in from time to time to just go away. I should be celebrating being single but there are just those days where I can't feel the celebration inside. I must work harder to get rid of my internal negativity surrounding being alone (relationship/dating wise). I've been having true radical Ang thoughts like blowing my last two grand on a trip some place...anyplace but here. Then when I come back...sell everything I own (which isn't much) and get on a bus heading west. Crazy isn't it? Or is it? Maybe I should just curl myself up in a ball on my bed and just stay there. I feel calm in my space even though it's not a real apartment and I have assholes around me. I'm going to chalk all of these pains and emotions up to PMS. I'm almost done with my report so that's good. I'm going to spend all day Sunday finishing up draft 2 so that I can submit it to my advisor and wait for feedback for the final report. Getting the second (or in my mind final) out to him buys me time to work on the white paper draft due at the end of the week. Basically all day Mon to Wed will have to be devoted to research and write-up. Only a couple of weeks to go to the end thank goodness.

On the weekly goal front, I did indeed accomplish my goal of going to work out all five days this week and I did! I think until I am full time again, I will try to maintain that goal. We'll see. It's a bit tough since it puts a lot of pressure on the body depending on what we are doing each workout. I wish I had friends who live in the neighborhood to work out with or go walking with sometimes, especially on the weekends. I asked Brian if he could find a walking buddy for me. Let's see what that turns up. anyway, I better get cracking on explaining my recommendations on the report. Gotta go.