The Wedding Party

Just got home not too long ago from the first official dinner for the bridesmaids. The other girls seem really nice. The colors of the dresses are cool and from the sounds of the details, it's shaping up to be a really good wedding. I'm really happy for Evan and Rae. They will be very happy together. I was laughing in my head when Rae said that if we bring dates to make sure to dance alot. Chances are i'll be dateless to this event but I guess only time will tell. Hearing others plan their weddings makes me wonder what type of wedding I will have if I ever get married. I remember someone asking me and my response then was small and simple. Today I can't even envision getting married. Just simply haven't met my match yet. If I do then I can imagine again. I'm hoping that by the time the wedding comes in Sept I will be at least fifty pounds lighter. By the time my 35th birthday comes, I will be at my goal weight. I have 23 months to work it out. I was feeling a bit down today but coming back from the dinner makes me really appreciate and value my girl power friendships even further.

This year is actually shaping up to be really good. Miriam asked me to participate in her birthday celebrations in November. That will involve travel. Rae and the wedding are in September. I graduate in May. I want to travel to South Korea in July. I'll have a brand new job in the near future. A lot is happening in 2007. I've been thinking alot about moving out of state or even to another country. With the exception of my immediate family and inner circle of friends, nothing really is tying me here to NY except me. I don't really have any money but looking back on everything..when have I ever let that stop me from exploring the world? I think i'm seriously going to start planning my exit from the city so that I will be living elsewhere in 2008. I've been thinking alot all of the bad things that have happened in recent years. I wouldn't call these incidents bad although many others would. I am looking at these negative occurrences as a part of the process of where I need to be. I will wander out of my comfort zone even more. My life has been anything but ordinary even though living it sometimes feels routine. My net worth as of today is negative 56,000 dollars yet I feel extraordinarily prosperous. I live in the smallest space I have ever lived in my life yet my energy in the space is calming. I don't own anything that society says is of value yet I own the most greatest instruments in the world....my body and my soul. Every thought has a place and purpose. I would have to say my dreams lately have been guiding me. They have been so vivid and intense. Let's see what tonight's dream reveals to me.

Cold Molasses

I feel like i'm moving in slow motion today. I woke up really early with yet another headache and then managed to fall back asleep for a few more hours before getting up. I still have yet to get into the shower. I had changed my mind about going to the first meeting of all of the bridesmaids because I didn't want to travel home on the train so late by myself. I have to go because it is important to Rae. I better get moving. Will revisit later.

Positive/Negative

Have you ever had one of those days where you instinctively know negativity will be a theme? Today was a good day for me but almost every step of the way other people tried to push their negative feelings onto me. First at the movie theater, the ticket agent didn't understand the terms and usage of my Guild card. When I told her to get a manager she got into a snit. Then when she was overruled by him, she was in an even worse snit. Then coming out of the bathroom after the second movie, I accidentally bumped into this woman and promptly apologized. She looked at me as if though it was a deliberate act and stormed off with a scowl. All I could think about was to go home immediately so that I don't encounter any more negative people this day. When I got home, the UPS guy was just leaving the porch. In the foyer on the hall hutch was a studio mailing package. As I neared the second bay of stairs, the righteous next door floormate decided to let me know she just signed for the package for me. She didn't have time to say hello, hey, good evening, etc. I politely said thank you and opened my door and closed it behind me...closing off the nasty, negative neighbors and ney sayers. I had to laugh at the neighbor though. She, like the landlord's daughter, acted as if though it was some act of heroism to sign for a package. It's amazing how some can start battles over insignificance. What can I do but ignore it. To acknowledge the attitude is to feed into it. I am glad to be home even though I have a slight headache that won't leave me alone. There was a bit more snow today. Love it. More to come in the upcoming days and weeks. Can't wait! I better go to bed and hope to feel better tomorrow.

Tempting Tea

What a really good day for an adventure. I met up with Miriam in Mt. Kisco and we had an early dinner. It's always really good spending time with her. It is such an honor for me to be one of her friends. It was snowing lightly there and it felt relaxing and exciting to be traveling to a place relatively close to the city but that doesn't have a city but rather country feeling. The place we ate at is called Temptation Tea House and I tried what turned out to be an excellent choice...ginger tea. It was really good. The company even better. She told me all about her adventure in India. The pictures were fabulous! I can't wait until I travel there one day on my own voyage. It was a really good day even though it started off with me crying for no real reason. Guess I just needed to release negative energy.

I did have another weird dream last night/this morning. I dreamed that I was at some type of lecture series at a museum. I was with somebody that I guess I would call a boyfriend since he was kissing me on both sides of my neck. Anyway, he insisted that we leave because he had some appointment at 2:15. As we made our way out, somehow he disappeared. I walked through rooms...some dark...trying to find my way out of the structure. As I made my way towards a front door, a sign stated that the exit was closed and to use the side entrance/exit. I turned and walked towards that doorway. In the process, I had to walk through an eatery where I noticed a slice of chocolate cake with white icing. I walked past and then there was a guy standing in front of me making his way to the cash register apparently in a huff. He had chocolate dripping from his index finger. I reached out to open the door behind him. That's all that I remember. There was a second part to the dream but since I didn't write it down when I did remember, it has now escaped my memory.

My knee is still bothering me but i'm going to try and push my luck and get to my workout in the morning before I head to see a couple of movies. It's been really cold outside, just the way I like it. Here's to my favorite time...winter and snow. That's always a good time for tea and chocolate in any form!

Crazy Dreams

So last night/early this morning I had yet another crazy dream. This one involved Derrick. I was in a car serving up a lasagna that I made. Derrick was in the car next to mine and there was a woman in the passenger seat. He kept insisting to have a portion of my dish. Afterwards, the woman in the passenger seat was gone. He said she couldn't accept the fact that he enjoys my cooking. Truly weird considering that I haven't seen or spoken to him in two years. In the next part of the dream I was in a dress shop trying on a lace type A-line halter dress. It was a beautiful baby blue on top and the bottom was a garnet type red. The colors sound crazy but the dress looked fabulous on me! I was also a lot lighter than I am now. I remember saying to myself that I look hot! Ha ha. I liked that portion of the dream for sure! The third part of the dream involved spiders that somebody was stepping on. I hate spiders. That's all I recall. Not really sure what to think about this medley of dreams but at least I remembered some of it.

As for yesterday and today, pretty good days. Drs. appt went pretty well. I think it's cool that I can get test results and email questions to them and get almost an immediate response. How cool is that?!? As always, I do hate bloodwork but it's a necessary evil I guess. The technician who drew my blood was really nice and pretty good considering that I have hard veins to locate. I was in an out of there in five minutes. Cool beans. It was an added bonus to know that I did indeed drop some weight since my last visit. Today's workout was hard but i'm making progress on my jogging time. By spring, I should be able to do some more charity walks. Anyway, time to get some sleep. Been sleeping pretty good the past week...I better enjoy it while I can. I'm looking forward to a terrific Thursday.