The Brown Angel

This morning's crazy dream consisted of me being someplace exotic. I remember at one point being near the ocean on a beach wading in the warm water. I was then in a jeep that was open to the point where I found myself taking pictures of the landscape while holding on to the rollbar. I was then on a personal jet. Kaleliah, one of my classmates, was there. As the jet was moving towards preparing to take off, I remember the captain or somebody saying "Not to look back, only forward." As I looked out the window, we passed beneath an underpass (similar to when one is on the expressway). All of the underpasses were named. I remember Christopher Columbus was one of the names. The jet proceeded slowly and it appeared we were passing through some type of outdoor shopping fair. All of us on the plane were like we wish we could stop to take a look at the vendor goods. The next thing I remember is that we were all off the jet and breaking out to look at booths. I walked up to one where silver jewelery was being sold. I selected a silver cuff bracelet that had a beautiful seafoam green silk flower on it. I also had tried on a pair of earrings as well but was debating if I wanted them. The vendor, who was a woman, reached down and pulled out a chocolate brown colored angel doll that was about three feet tall. It was exquisite. She opened the wings to show me and I asked her how much it was. I think she said 250. At this point other people started to come over to take a look and I remember thinking I want that angel. I also remember that during this time looking at the doll, there was a drop of water on the ground and ants had surrounded it in a pretty pattern. Every time I moved my finger like a magic wand, the ants changed pattern, each one more beautiful than the next. I don't remember anymore. Weird but interesting dream...they usually are that way. I feel a little depressed today. Weekends usually do that but I think the events of this week contributed to it. At least this week is over. I'm sure next week will be better. I'm a little tired but Lor and I are supposed to meet up for lunch so at least some of the day will be good.

Thursday Part 2

I realized about an hour ago that I am totally exhibiting my SS behavior right now. That of course would be my Strictly Single behavior. My workout clothes are still strewn across the radiator, I just finished washing dishes in nothing more than my pajama bottoms, and I am about to cut my fingernails while laying across my bed watching t.v. You know what? It's a good feeling. My head still hurts me a bit but the nauseous feeling from earlier is gone. I think I am simply having a negative reaction to my migraine headache. While an intense headache has been avoided, the prescription has its own form of pain. I hope to feel better tomorrow. I did workout today but did somewhat of my own thing since half of the exercises in Jeff's class today made me feel even sicker. I'm a little bit stiff so I know I did just as challenging a workout even though I didn't do all of the exercises ( I modified a bit). At one point one of the guys referred to me as sexy and asked how I was feeling. Who would have thought I could look sexy to someone while sweaty and half sick? It was nice that there was concern. After workout Jeff asked us all a challenge question. He told everyone that if they feel they are imperfect to step forward. Our entire class did so. He said that if we are all feeling that way we are all locking ourselves into our own prisons. Food for thought. I think for me I do feel perfect just the way I am however others make me feel like I am not up to what they consider perfect. As I experience more in my life, I am feeling more and more comfortable in my skin. I've been thinking about moving out of town again and have kicked it up a notch in my career search...I find myself applying to positions out of New York. Besides family and friends here...there is nothing really tying me to the city. While I will always return since I was born and raised here, the time has come for me to move on. I have a feeling more opportunity both personally and professionally awaits me away from here. Only time will tell. O.k. two phone calls to return so I better go. Let's see what Friday brings.

To Hell with the Negative People

It's Thursday already?!? I feel groggy today. Last night I went to sleep at midnight, which is really early for me considering i'm an insomnia queen. Of course I woke up at 5am and then feel back asleep but I still feel like I could use another five hours of rest. Crazy! I also have a headache. I'm trying not to stress out over this PDR mess but it's hard not to do so. I can't believe that with less than two months to go, another person named Christine would screw me over and almost ruin my project. While I jokingly refer to myself as a bitch from time to time, I don't like calling fellow women that terminology. However, that girl is a BITCH! Only she can try to explain what she did and even then I don't want to hear it. It was a deliberate evil act. I hate to say this but as a direct result of her actions, my new policy is one that Lorraine also shares...you are either for me or against me. I will no longer be tolerate of those who are part of the outlier group. Sometimes being nice to people can bite you in the ass.

I think I have enough to proceed however my advisor will make the final call tomorrow after reviewing the outline. He asked me if I can still remain objective in the wake of what has happened. The funny thing is...I can. One of my strengths I feel is the fact that I can separate out my feelings from facts. It is a difficult skill to master however I have had many traumatic events in my life over the years to give me reason to practice. I must remain focused. No one and nothing is going to come between me and graduation. I have worked to hard to get here. I heard somewhere that if you feel you are going through hell....keep driving! I better get moving so that I can come back and start writing the report. I smell my tea brewing on the counter. Nothing like some Red Zinger to start off a good day. More later.

Welcome Back Ang

The Trinidad and Tobago Field trip was truly a good experience for me. I wasn't able to participate in a group travel experience in undergrad because I simply couldn't afford it. All these years later, it was a struggle coming up with funding but I was able to do so. The schedule was pretty packed for the week and we had access to top lawmakers and scholars. I would have to say the most impactful speaker was Selwyn Ryan. He has an aura about him that was simply amazing! What a knowledgeable, powerful speaker! I especially like the fact that he takes a very strong stand against the racial, political undercurrent surrounding the PNC party and their legislative decisions for the country. After all of the readings and discussions we have had in class about Trinidad and Tobago, it was very interesting to be able to observe in person the disparities. Tobago intrigued me the most. I must admit that the exotic, beautiful beaches definitely hide the lack of infrastructure throughout the island. I was stunned to hear from one of our speakers that Tobago only receives five percent of the budget in comparison to Trinidad. Also, the conflict over the oil reserves is also fascinating. While Tobago can take ownership to the waters ten miles out from the island, crafty politicians have decided to mine seventeen miles offshore, thus cutting out Tobago from any lucrative profits. It is amazing what the human mind can conceive. There were many more aspects of the trip worth noting however it's a bit late and i'm tired and slightly stressed so I'll discuss it more tomorrow. I also can't believe I missed what was probably the last snowfall of the season. Oh well...at least last Friday I was learning more about another country in 80 degree weather so I really can't complain. I'm sleepy and my back is still burning slightly. I really got burned from the sun this time around. I can't believe we are back already from the trip. I want to go someplace else already. More tomorrow.