What a Difference A Day Makes

Much better! Oh my goodness. Last night after I shut down the computer I literally brushed my teeth and got into bed. The t.v. was on and "Lost" had just started. I thought I would be able to force myself to stay up to watch the show and the news. What ended up happening was the television watching me! I only saw the first ten minutes of the show and apparently drifted off into la la land for a bit. When I woke up the end credits were literally running. I said to myself o.k. guess I can watch the news. Of course I was still in a sleep induced state of mind. I saw the very first story and then the next thing I remember was barely catching the weather forecast around 11:20. I turned off the t.v. and needless to say fell asleep. I did wake up around 6am and for the first time in a while I thought to myself...this is one noisy city! I heard the news helicopters hovering overhead and the increasing traffic heading towards the expressway. The copter was the most annoying until around 6:45 when the steady stream of inconsiderate car owners opened their doors to unleash the alarm noises. But that's life in the city right? Anyway, I feel a thousand percent better than I did last night. Going in for more punishment in a few. Ha ha. When I get back I'm going to start working on the first draft of the thesis. We all have to submit the first draft April 9th. I better go. More later.

Ouch!

My body is hurting! Intense workout this afternoon. Jeff was killing us today! In class this evening I didn't want to even take notes...but I did. I just took some Tylenol. I'm going to bed literally in ten minutes. Tomorrow's another day. Needless to say...I'm too tired to really do an extensive entry right now. I haven't seen the news in three days. What the hell is going on in the world. I need to catch up.

Tuesday...My Favorite Day

Tuesdays by far are my favorite day of the week. Like me, Tuesdays, are considered the underdog of the week. Nobody has any special name or attach any significance to it but it is just as important as all of the other "specialty" days. I felt strong yesterday (since it is now technically very early Wed morning) even though my stomach is still hurting me. Half the time I feel really nauseous but it's a tolerable discomfort. Of course when I use the word nauseous and stomach in the same sentence, guys automatically think the word pregnant. I am not pregnant and don't plan on it anytime in the near future. I think it's just a combination of stress and an uneasy reaction to my prescription migraine medication. That on top of the workouts have been aggravating the situation. I'm sure I'll probably feel better in a couple of days. In the meantime, other than that, I feel like I am getting stronger physically. Even though others say they see the changes in my body, I don't really see it. Maybe because I look at myself in the mirror every day I am overlooking whatever everyone else is seeing. I do notice the difference in clothing as I have dropped a couple of dress sizes with the twenty pound weight loss. Only about a million pounds to go but at least I am making progress. By the time I hit 35 I'm going to have one smokin' bod! Just wait and see. My presentation date for the thesis has been set for May 14th. Nothing like getting the last slot literally days before I am attempting to graduate. This is definitely going to be interesting. I believe I will be just fine and I look forward to putting on my cap and gown in six weeks! I'm signed up for Marathon Day which is coming up in a couple of days so the job search should intensify by next week. I will be virtually broke by July 1st if I do not have a new job by then. I am going to pray really, really hard that the right full time match comes up before that time. I better go to sleep. It's late. More later.

I Can Handle It

Last night I found myself crying myself to sleep. I also found myself angry with myself for crying. Everything happens for a reason so I constantly find myself analyzing and evaluating my actions and decisions to make sure I am on the right track with what I want in my life. Lorraine is right when she says many people feel threatened by me because I am a truthful person. The way I figure it, it takes so many steps to keep up with a lie. The truth is simply just that...the truth. I pride myself on being truthful, tactful, and maintaining a high sense of integrity. When others carelessly call into question my character, I take it very personally. Last night I found myself thinking about one of my favorite quotes and how it fits into my life. The quote is that of Mother Theresa in which she said, "I know God won't give me more than I can handle but sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much!" I love it! I know that I am a strong woman with a very strong personality. That's me. I also know that I am very patient. I believe the problem is that many mistake my patience for weakness. I am not weak. I used to be many years ago but I learned how to stand strong. In the latest incident that is still unfolding, several people who I thought had a decent foundation of moral character have turned out to be just the opposite...lacking in character. I will fight to clear my name of the wrongful and hurtful allegations hurled my way. I refuse to let the devil get his way. In my tears I find that I get the opportunity to release my frustration privately so that I can stand strong in the wake of public opposition. I meet with my advisor tonight. I am confident that I will be able to continue my project and successfully finish it in time to make graduation. More later.

Life

Another weekend down and it's back to school tomorrow. I really ate pretty badly on Saturday and part of today. I kind of feel like throwing in the towel on just about everything. I'm not going to but it's how I have been feeling the past couple of days. My mother is stressing me about moving back to the house. That would be disastrous for me...I know it. She keeps saying i'm being stubborn but that's not it at all. I don't think she really understands how frustrating it is to not have options that come so freely to others. She only wants me to move back so that I can take care of her. It feels as if though nobody except me cares about if I actually get to live my life under my terms. It's like my parents brought me here only to say you can do anything but we aren't really going to give you the opportunity because we didn't have it. These are the moments when I feel really alone, scared. On Friday some guy asked me why am I single. My response was "because nobody wants me". He said I shouldn't say that because it's not true. I wasn't saying it to be dramatic. I said it because it's simply the truth. Ten days ago I did something that I truly feared doing....I sat at a table in the middle of a busy food court and ate lunch...alone. No armor of an MP3 player, a cell phone, a book....just me and my lunch. As I sat watching people I started to feel less nervous and actually proud of myself. The fear of being judged fell and I realized I had accomplished one more thing from my 103 things to do before I die list. What I also realized in that moment as well was that I will need to modify the list. One thing that did make me smile tonight was Andy Rooney's commentary on 60 minutes. He talked about one of my favorite things...snow! He, like me, loves snow! It was a good, fun, quirky item for him to talk about but I'm glad he did. I better go. I'm going to try to make the early morning class and then get the outline for the paper done. I put it off long enough. Let's see if this week will bring me many good things to smile about.