Last night's dream was bizarre and interesting all at once. All I remember is that I was in some type of cemetery. It was daylight and I had the feeling that I was in California like I was on vacation or something and sightseeing. It felt as if I were on a tour of this cemetery. Large monuments stood ten feet in the air. The ones I remember the most were a pair of angels. In the next segment of the dream, I was in a room someplace. There was a man there. He was telling me that I was the most beautiful person in the world. I remember feeling really good inside and out. I felt strong and I did feel beautiful. In the next few seconds, I remember feeling like someone was kissing me on the lips. Then I woke up.
I don't even know how to analyze that dream or if I should even try! Part of me feels that the cemetery dreams stem from my subconscious mind reminding me that I will probably die way before anyone thinks I will. I asked someone the other day what he would remember about me if I died tomorrow. He refused to answer the question. I guess I ask that question alot because of certain medical things that have come up over the years. With each medical test that I go through alone, it makes me really wonder if I have any impact on anyone in this life and what will the summation of my life say once I'm gone. I think I am serving my life's purpose. I also believe that another part of me is coming to the realization that my perfect mate is starting to find his way to me and perhaps he is currently living in another state. In addition to my affirmations I have started to incorporate the mantra Miriam gave me. It will be very interesting to see if I actually ever do meet someone who wants me to be a part of his life. Only time will tell. In the meantime, i'm still on the dating circuit. Tomorrow is another date with David. Something about him is interesting although I don't think we will be involved in any type of relationship other than friendship. Then again, I simply don't know. I'm just winging this dating thing. Kind of getting tired of some of these guys who demand so much of us women yet aren't willing to demand of themselves the same things they demand of us. Sometimes I think it would have been easier for me to have been born in a different generation. But alas...I have to play with the cards I have been dealt. With the whole O'Neil thing, I actually feel pretty good about the situation. I find that I am no longer sweating him the way I was months ago and that it's o.k. that he's "just not that into me." I even put that into an email yesterday that I sent to him. I'm sure he won't respond to it since avoiding personal emotional conversations is his thing. Actually meeting up with him the second time around has helped me to evaluate even more what I want and don't want in a mate as well as become even more confident in my decisions. In part, Evan helped with that process too because of the whole Landmark weekend. I had so many breakthroughs last September. While I am still sensitive and polite..I have learned how to be even more direct and have learned that it's o.k. to wear my heart on my sleeve...even if I run the risk of getting it broken.
On the jobfront, second interview is next week and some suitable temp jobs are coming through. I'm almost done going through savings but for some reason I don't feel stressed out about it. You would think one would be a basketcase not knowing how I will pay my rent, food, and medical costs but I'm not worried. What does make me laugh is how my parents are spending tons of money on things they don't need but not once have they ever said "do you need help with your rent?" I'm glad that they don't. There are always conditions attached to their help...that's why I would rather do without than to have to pay the steep price. O.K. I'm off on a tangent that doesn't merit worth going into in depth so I'll just keep my thoughts in my head where they will probably remain unspoken forever. It's better that way. I better go to sleep soon...have several errands to run including the bank. I can't believe I haven't ordered checks in two years! Of course I only had one left and need to write three. Ha ha. Guess I'll have to pay all of them online this month which is fine but there's something about writing out a check that I like. Perhaps because it's a visual element and process. O.K. I really better go. More tomorrow since I can share what happened on the date.
