Summer Saturday?

It is simply a gorgeous day! It feels like a summer afternoon as opposed to a fall day in October. Go figure with this kooky weather. I kind of feel a little bit sad that I don't have anything lined up for myself today. I definitely have to do laundry so that's something. LOL. I actually feel really "pretty" today. I cleaned up last night and put everything back where it's supposed to be so that's a few chores done. I do always feel like I'm drowning in books though. So many books, so little space! I look forward to the day when I own my own place that has a little bit more space than where I currently am. The funny thing is that if I had my own bathroom (not shared) where I am right now and if I owned the space, I probably wouldn't move at all. I like the energy in here where I walk into the rooms. I may not have a lot but I feel good about all of the accomplishments despite the most challenging of situations both personal and professionally. In my solitary state I have found myself even more at peace. Not having to deal with anyone else's bullshit except my own. It's funny having all of these crazy emotions. Last night around 9pm or so, I actually felt like crying. I use to think crying was a sign of weakness but I don't think that anymore. Crying is actually very therapeutic...especially for folks like me who don't have a real substantial cash flow for right now. I didn't cry but I felt like it. I'm sure I'll have a good one next week just because I can!

Listening to music right now. I heard the new track from Jill Scott called "Hate on Me". Love it! Can't wait until MusicSource has it ready for downloading. The track ranks up there with my other favorites of "Fighter", "Baby I'm a Star", and "Enough Cryin". Do you sense a theme to my favorites? LOL. K. I better go get laundry done...not going to do itself. Later Ang.

Eat, Pray, Love

Just a quick note...Elizabeth Gilbert was on Oprah today talking about her book Eat, Pray, Love. I read it several months ago and was totally touched by her words, her emotional trek. Who would have thought that a regular trip to Costco would lead me to such an amazing book?!? I just wanted to mention again that I know I am on the right path with my life. I know I'm the only one who reads my own blog so it's good for me to remind myself every opportunity I get! I like Gilbert's recommendation of keeping a happy journal....make note of one thing that made me smile each day. I'm going to start doing that. Today, the little girl and the mom who was reading to her made me smile. Good stuff. I better get some sleep. More tomorrow.

Subway Rides and Smiles

It was hard for me not to smile this morning on the train ride into work. Then again, I find myself smiling every morning just because I woke up. Even on days when I'm really tired I make it a point to smile. Some say goodmorning as I pass by; some smile as they go by; some remain oblivious or with the traditional NY scowl. This morning I found joy and wonderment in a two and a half year old who boarded the train with her mom at Chambers Street. She bounced in with her bundle of energy packed into her pint size body. She seemed amazed and excited to get a seat and spread out in comfort next to her mom. She was wearing the cutest multiprint pant outfit with coordinating green sneakers. Her hair was in pigtails and she was sucking on her pacifier ever so peacefully...like a security blanket. Her mom pulled out a book title "What Makes the Seasons". I love to see it when parents pull out a book and read with their children. It irritates me when parents get on and basically ignore or yell at their kids for just being kids. Anyway, there was laughter and wonderment as the two read the book together. I couldn't help but smile. An instant pick me up for a Friday morning. It reminds me to never lose the inner child in me and to continue to find the excitement in everything I do.

Coming in to work again after a hiatius reinforces in me not to get jaded like so many others do. Negative energy is all around me in these working environments. The difference is that I no longer will allow other people's negativity bring me down.

A New Season

Last night I had a fantastic date with me! After work, I went to my second favorite Japanese spot and sat at my table for one and enjoyed a good dinner. I didn't even pull out any armor like a book, cell phone, writing pad, nothing! Just sat at the table, looked out the window, and ate my meal slowly and pondered my life, my thoughts, everything. I feel I am on the right track. Afterwards, I went over to City Center to catch the show. It was also equally good. The performances really spoke to me as I felt they reflected issues in my life at the present moment. On piece entitled "Cornered" was performed by the Jerome Robbins Company. The piece was about the seasons and change. How appropriate...for I am in a new season. There was also a dance of Love stories. It was very contemporary and each segment had a different issue whether it be a lover's quarrel, the first moments of a budding love, or a couple that really have a committed love. I have yet to truly experience any of the three but perhaps one day. The final performance of the evening was the most enlightening. The Urban Bush Women performed their signature dance called "Batty" which literally translates to buttocks. It was a celebration of the female body in dance for all women like me with hips and thighs. Loved it! I will look up the troupe online and see if I can see even more performances that feature their work. They are based in Brooklyn...even better.

I didn't get home until after 11pm hence the reason I didn't post anything yesterday. In a way, I think I am embracing the solitary life even more. With each day I am losing a little bit more of my fear of continuing to live a life alone. Part of me will always hate that there may never be anyone special in my life however that part is growing smaller with each accomplishment I make on my own. I'm not saying I don't want to be "involved" however I am not willing to settle for just anyone. I'm special. Anyone who will be with me needs to be special as well. We need to be made for each other. I feel too many people settle and thus end up being very unhappy. I don't want to be unhappy. I want and need continued good energy in my life. If that means generating it by myself all the time...so be it. I'm still trying to coordinate the Christmas travel plans. It's going to come together and I know I will have a great birthday...by myself or with others. Only time will tell but I know I am going to enjoy it this year, next year, and the next until my time is up.

Anyway, I better do some work. I also need to update my resume. Maybe more later.

A Traditional New York Story

It's hard updating this blog simply because I have to get up so darn early and get in really late to do so. I do miss blogging on a daily basis. I know I keep saying I'm going to get back into it but this time I mean it...I'm really going to make a concerted effort to do so. I'm going to have to put it on the schedule. So, it's impossible for me to recall all of the events from Sept 8th so let me start with the most recent and work my way back.

So, last night/early this morning I found myself laughing in my sleep. Don't ask me how I know, I just know. I also remember having a dream where I was driving a motorcycle and had to slow down at one point because of construction in the roadway. Yesterday I attended the benefits meeting for the organization where I volunteer my time. There are still may items to secure but I'm positive it will be a great fundraising event. On Sunday, I went to the Atlantic Antic street fair. It was actually a really good day for an outdoor event. I walked around for several hours checking out the booths and getting info about the neighborhood businesses, etc. I walked so much that when I finally got home I took a nap! LOL. Was even a little sore yesterday too. You know what they say...no pain, no gain. Ha ha. I also took myself out on a date last Friday. Bought a ticket for one to the City Center Fall for Dance Festival. There were several really good performances including Ballet Hispanico and the ABT. It felt weird and exciting sitting by myself at the show. Weird in the sense that there was nobody to share the experience with, to talk to about what was good and bad, to get a varied perspective after witnessing the same show. Exciting in the sense that I felt really good knowing I didn't let fear of being alone frighten me into not going, not doing, not enjoying. Before the show, I stopped in Sephora and bought my favorite lip glosses and other stuff. Then I stopped in the bookstore about bought a book or two. I guess you could say Friday was a day to indulge in me! It felt good taking myself out on a date. I'll have a repeat performance Wednesday. The Urban Bush Women are performing tomorrow. I have another solo ticket. Not sure yet what I will do with myself in the two and a half hours before. Maybe I'll go to Dan's for a bite.

So...my traditional NY story happened yesterday. I left work early to go pick up donations for the Friendraiser. Two of the items were particularly bulky and hanging on by a thread in the plastic bag that was given to me. As I crossed over Park Avenue, the inevitable happened...the bag broke! As I reached down to pick up the basket, a woman crossing the street came over to help pick it up. What a nice thing to occur in NY. It's a rare event. At the same time this was happening, the cab driver across the street sensed that I would be flagging a cab and he pulled over just as I was getting ready to signal for one. As I loaded all of the stuff into the caravan, the driver (I believe was of African descent) said he thought I would need a cab! LOL. Indeed, I did. I said to myself...what a NY moment. I should add that earlier in the morning as I came through he turnstile, a guy the platform made it a point to say hello and I said good morning. He made it a point to say good morning (a secondary greeting) with a smile. Overall...a good day. LOL.

I still think someone from the other side is trying to get my attention. Last week in addition to the light and door locking situation, one of my venetian blinds fell in the middle of the night. Scared the heck out of me. The bracket broke. Have to put that on my "to do" list. Better get real handy with the tools. Thank goodness I have curtains up otherwise I would be forced to fix it right away. I feel really grown in a good way yet still a kid...in a good way. O.K. I should figure out what I want to eat for lunch considering I didn't bring it in for today. More tomorrow...for sure.