Pre Valentines Day

For the first time ever, I'm actually going out and hanging out leading into Valentine's Day. Sue invited me to hear one of her bandmates play at a club and then afterwards we are going to a singles party. Normally I don't do these types of things but I figure why the heck not? Can't wait for anyone to set me up with anyone otherwise I'll be single forever right? More importantly, I'm bored always being at home. There's only so much reading, cleaning, writing, Netflix watching, cooking, drowning in my own depression that I can do!

I normally don't do this either but I look pretty damn cute tonight. Since there's snow and ice on the ground I can't wear my three inch cool boots out of fear of falling and breaking my leg or something but I am wearing my other leather booties that are equally cute and safer for the walk to the train. Also wearing white tonight. Don't normally do that either. Let's face it, I'm a klutz when it comes to wearing white! LOL. But you know what? I'm going to do it anyway. I am wearing my sheer, sexy black top underneath so if something happens to the white top the black top underneath is just as cool! I'm breaking out of my shell. BTW...despite that great date I don't think I'm going to go out on any more dates with "Mr. G". My instinct tells me he's not ready to date yet but I'm not sure. He's too difficult to reach and hasn't shored up a second date with me. Too many inconsistencies in his behavior. Don't want that in my life. Been down that road so many times. Anyway...I better get going. Hope to have fun tonight. It's been a very long time since I've been out on a Saturday night. I think tomorrow I'm going to treat myself to a movie too. While all those couples are loving themselves I'm going to remind myself as I should every day to love myself more.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

What a great walk I had around 2:30! Took some really fun winter photos including this gorgeous snow filled open gate a few doors down from me. I saw it on my way back from my half hour adventure. It was so beautiful I couldn't resist stopping to admire it for a few moments before I snapped the picture. As I stood in front of it I thought about how it in an odd yet fitting way is a metaphor for my life. The gate is wide open and the possibility for what's inside endless! So many lessons I have been learning in my hometown Brooklyn! LOL. It was a good walk. As I look out of the window now the snow continues to fall. When all is said and done it looks like about a foot will be on the ground. It kind of makes me think about all the snow haters who kept shovelling throughout the day. I found myself at one point getting annoyed with them for making all that noise with shovels and electric snowblowers. It was noisy like every three hours or so. I kept wondering if they watched the weather report and, despite knowing that more snow was going to fall and virtually undo all of their hard work, still thought it was worth it to attack Mother Nature's contribution. I do understand that the snow has to be cleaned up. What I never understand is why after it starts falling and has twelve hours to go people are out there throwing it all over the place instead of taking some time to enjoy how pretty it is and dare I say....taking some time to actually play in it?!? While I was out there I so badly desired playing with someone in the snow. Wanted to have a snowball fight. Wanted to roll down a few hills in the park. Wanted to sit on a bench with a cup of hot cocoa with someone and have a conversation and just enjoy it. I did enjoy my walk and my thoughts. I hope we get at least two more big snowfalls before the season is over....and I'm putting it out in the universe that I will be playing and enjoying one, if not both of those two snowfalls with someone special.

Fefe is Me

Slept a little bit better last night than the previous two despite falling asleep at 2am. It's been a while since I've been through a round of insomnia so I always welcome sleep when I get it. With my latest rest came the latest dream. While I only remember bits and pieces of it, I do find the parts that I actually remember pretty darn interesting. I remember talking to a woman named Fefe. Somehow I feel that she was me. As weird as that sounds I truly believe I was talking to another version of myself. In one part of this dream, I was telling Fefe, who was holding a beautiful little girl who looked to be under the age of one, to go towards the right and pointing down a street where others were standing. It was as if though I was guiding myself to a safer place to be. I should also add that I was talking to a much thinner version of myself thank you very much! The only other portion of the dream that I remember is talking to Fefe again on what look like a different period of time. Not sure if it was same day, time, week or even year. She was running toward me and I remember pointing for her to again...run towards the right. There was a crowd chasing her. Kind of like how fans chase a celebrity. I remember touching her hand and pointing to "go to the right." That's all I remember. Weird, interesting dream.

A couple of quick self notes on this dream. If I had to analyze this in the most rudimentary way possible, I think there is something pretty big coming up in my future that involves a little girl. This is like the third or fourth time I have had a dream that involved a little girl, my future daughter perhaps? As for the crowds, I think something in my future will also mean that some large group of people will want to listen so something that I have possibly shared with the public? Who knows. Instinctively, I truly believe that when I am dreaming I really am spiritually and emotionally traveling. I always find that when I wake up I almost always feel better no matter what the dream...even the rare bad ones! That's always a good thing. Over the past few months I've been remembering more and more of them so that's always fascinating to me. I'm going to try to be more diligent about documenting them as well as some of the other thoughts I have in the overnight hours. I'm going to start keeping a notepad on the nightstand by my bed. Perhaps its my book in the making.

The snow has picked up here and I so want to go out and play but there is a mix of sleet in there so not sure if I can get in a snow Angela. It's so beautiful looking outside. I think within the next hour after I eat lunch I'm going to put on my winter gear and go for a simple walk around the block. I know the wind is picking up so I shouldn't linger outside as it could be very dangerous especially with the wind and those dangerous drivers on the streets. I will go for a brief winter walk and ponder for a few moments as well as be thankful. Right now I'm listening to Miriam's CD (Sita's Light) and its very calming as I look out at the falling snow. Before I head outside, I want to comment about Lori Gottlieb's book about settling as well as Sherry Argov's book. Better get lunch so I can have energy for the storm.

My Beautiful Snow Has Returned

It's snowing! About a foot of glorious snow is expected to fall today here in Brooklyn. I'm so happy. There's nothing like snow to really lift my spirits! With snow comes Snow Angelas! I can't wait to go outside once there is enough on the ground. I know I'll be hearing shovelling by 6am today but I don't care since I know it's going to snow until late afternoon! DOUBLE HA HA TO THE SNOW HATERS! I haven't been sleeping to well the past two days...lot on my mind but I'm going to think positive thoughts and pray even harder for everything to work out well.

Yesterday was pretty good at one of the hospitals and I successfully garnered my first two referrals! I'm so proud of me! I know it sounds so selfish to pat myself on the back but I didn't have anyone to share the good news with so I came home and looked myself in the mirror and said, "Good job Ang." I know that with the referrals that means two more people with cancer are going to get more help that they need. I can only hope and pray that one day I too will be fortunate enough to get the help that I need. It's really hard staying well with no medical insurance and very little money. Even harder with no real support anywhere. However I will keep my head held high that I am doing purposeful work helping others so that's good.

I better try to sleep. I have to be well rested so I can go play in the snow later! I think I'll take my camera too. More later.