In Case of Emergency

I'm upset right now so writing seems to be the only avenue I have. I dialed a few people but nobody was around. Voicemail. I know what it feels like to not have an "in case of emergency" person. How horrible a feeling to know that if something really bad happened to me, there's noobody immediate to call. I think about that often. I probably shouldn't. Like so many others, I'm but a small speck in this great big universe. We are here until we aren't right?

Going forward, I don't want anyone asking me anything about my immediate family. I don't have one. I'm on my own...as always. I'm not sure why over the years I allowed myself to believe that I am loved by any of them. I know for sure, I am not. I prefer that. It hurts less. I'm going to lay in my bed now. My head is starting to hurt and my throat is still sore. Antibiotics not working. Something is wrong. No more money to spend on getting well. Just need to get through Thanksgiving. First time ever people are coming over. Have a great menu planned. I'm looking forward to that. So few visit me. I think I'm going to book a one way ticket someplace and max out all my credit cards. That sounds good to me. The only question is where will I go?