Life and Death

Well...so much for staying local on this cold winter day. My original plan was to type up my homework and get some reading done for next week's classes. You know what happens when you make plans right? I knew I had to head uptown to visit Alison in the hospital. What I didn't expect was that I had to make a stop at school to clean up this extra class mess. Needless to say two hours was spent dropping a class I didn't want anyway and trying to figure out how to pay the additional charge for the one I want to take which has a trip portion included. Still working on how to make that happen but I won't worry about it. Where there is a will there is a way. I made it to the hospital about an hour after she came out of surgery so I basically had to lie to get into the recovery area ( I know God will forgive me). She was awake and looked relieved that I had come to see her. Her boyfriend was there as well. Normally I don't offer opinions on relationships unless directly asked. In this case, I just have to say he is such a self-centered jerk! Instead of being positive and honestly loving, all he kept mentioning was how tired he was because of the early surgery time of 5am. So what! In his defense though, people will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Something she said to me about him several years ago reinforced in my mind that they don't belong together.

Anyway, on the positive side, the transplant surgery went well. Her donor was only 24 years old...another young woman in need of a transplant herself but for her complications arose. What a tough thing for her family to experience. One minute there is a life, the next...she is gone. However, even in death...there is life. Even though I signed an organ donor card myself, I know that my family will not respect my decision because they don't listen to what I say. I wasn't a match for Alison but I know I am for someone else if something were to happen to me. I will go back tomorrow to visit and make sure she is o.k. Hopefully by then some of her family members will be there. I remember being in the hospital two years ago. I went alone. I remember checking in at 6am and by seven they were taking me into the operating room and I was thinking if I don't wake up there would be nobody for them to call since I don't have anyone on an "in case of emergency" list. With the exception of Cher and Jean visiting me when I came out of surgery, I was alone throughout my stay. To this day my family doesn't know that I was in the hospital. Maybe one day I'll tell them. Maybe not.

Looking back at that experience, I realize now that if I have to go it alone in these tough decisions during my life I am capable of doing so. While I do have friends who I can count on, I still feel alone in the sense that noone really knows what I really think about. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway. My family still knows how to upset me so. Rae must think i'm crazy for answering the phone while crying. I get so frustrated sometimes. Looks like I'm back to doing laundry the way I use to when up until last year. I will now have to haul everything down the stairs and blocks away. Yet another thing but you know what...I will do what I have to do to get it done. I just didn't need this right now (not that I ever need it) with all of the other stress i'm under. Just have to remind myself not to worry so much.