Hitting the Wall

So I hit the figurative "wall" Christmas Day and am still trying to get around it. I wish I had gone away this year. So depressing being here. When I say I'm lonely I mean it. It doesn't mean I don't like spending time alone by myself. In fact, I enjoy that tremendously. I just don't want that to be my permanent fate. I don't think I was designed to live a solitary life. Unfortunately, that seems to be what this pass at life is shaping up to be. Really sucks. I've cried every day since my birthday. That simply shouldn't be but I can't help it.

It was a quiet yet powerful birthday celebration. For the majority of the day I was alone with the exception of dinner where one of my friends joined me for a holistic meal. I enjoyed The Lion King tremendously. I didn't anticipate crying during the opening number. It was a surge of emotion for me. A combination of the beauty of the opening, the feeling of taking control and celebrating my birthday even if for the most part nobody else cares, and the feeling of being so alone with so many people around me. Really hard to put all those emotions into words. I was just in a word...emotional. I did feel waves of happiness in those moments also. And peace.

O.K I better snap out of this complaining funk. I need to play lotto and win for millions! I am also going to shed this comfort weight and unveil the Angela that's inside who is beautiful and special. it's time my outside matched the inside.