Tuesday on my Mind

Tomorrow I have yet another internal job interview. I'm really starting to hate these things. You apply to like a hundred jobs and get a callback for like two or three in three years! We all know these jobs are already fixed. Why give hope to others. I think all of these recruiters discriminate too. It's crazy but it's like being in high school. You are either part of the "in crowd" or you're completly out. I never got involved with all that in high school but I forgot that once those clicky "in" people get out of high school they continue to carry on with that mentality. Not all of them but most. Anyway, I'll do this b.s. interview and hope for the best.

Someone asked me today what my new year's resolution will be. I haven't really thought about it but I have an idea what I will attempt to accomplish in 2006. I definately need to move but i'm not going to live in my mother's basement. Last night I really thought about it and I know why I haven't moved. Quite frankly, I'm pissed. Why is that my only option when it comes to my parents? Why can't they say something like "hey...we know you are trying...we'll help you move into a better space". No...instead it's you can move here or stay where you are. That's b.s.! It's like growing up around them again. Their way or the highway. I guess I better go buy another pair of running shoes! I also know that if I move back to that house all of the reasons why I am overweight will resurface. I realized a couple of weeks ago that every time I go over to my mother's house I end up eating all the bad stuff...cookies, cake, ice cream, junk. She still buys all that stuff. She's thin though. I am not...and I don't want to weigh more than I already do! The goal is to lose not gain! I have learned the distance makes me stronger. With each day alone I find that some days are depressing. Others, suprisingly, are not. I'm learning to do things more on my own. I'm going to try dining alone at a restaurant before the year is out. I fear that. Have to tackle it sooner or later.

Kim and Stephanie still treat me like "just a co-worker". It's funny how you don't expect to go to a job and make friends. But when you do, some snatch it away so quickly and then think they can be friends all over again when it's good for their purposes. I'm glad they did what they did. I guess once some women have kids, they have to shut out those of us who don't. While I love children, I don't want to spend each and every day shopping for baby clothes, talking about them all the time. I'm not hating. Just would like to have a conversation about what else is going on in the world. Another click. That's what they are...a click. Why can't people be more open?

Tomorrow will be interesting. Let's see what happens.