The Loves of My Life

My lover Mr. Insomnia is back. He likes to keep me awake all night long...exhausting me...teasing me with the promise of may dreams that will be fulfilled, eventually. My other boyfriend Mr. Icy Hot is starting to suspect something. He's my on again off again daytime lover. I'm sitting in the darkness right now with the only light coming from the computer monitor. I found myself attempting to sleep about an hour ago but rather found myself eventually bursting into an uncontrollable crying session. I needed to release some tension that can't be worked out in the gym. I'm feeling slightly down but i'm fighting really hard not to have a pity party. I hate that it's summertime and I find myself doing almost everything by myself as usual. It really sucks! Nobody out there interested in me as far as I know and if I don't go out and fish for myself I'll literally starve. I really think the basic need for companionship is really giving me a one two punch. Intrinsically, I do believe that we are made to be paired. The problem is that i'm not meeting anyone really (well anyone who has expressed interest in dating me except David...and while I like him as a person...i'm just not feeling a connection with him beyond friendship). All of my coupled friends don't know any single people (yeah right) except for me. I wish there was someone I could talk to on nights like this. Maybe one day. I hope soon. Funny thing is I have been feeling pretty good overall for the past few months. I feel strong but every so often have nights like this were I feel slightly lonely. Even that irritates me! I'm Angela. What is there to feel sad about. I may not have much but i've got me and I believe I'm a good person with a good spirit. Keeping myself occupied. Tomorrow (or later this morning) is a Costco run. I think on Monday after I do my daily job searches I'm going to head to a museum. Never did get around to going to seeing certain exhibits. I think I can get in free with my old company ID card. o.k. I better try to get some sleep since I have to be awake in literally seven hours. I can't believe it's after 2am. Perhaps I need to look into getting a prescription for Ambien or something before my medical insurance runs out. I'll debate it. More later.