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O.K. So the conclusion to the whole O'Neil thing is...he's such an ass...but we already knew this right?!? I don't know why guys feel the need to pull this power and control thing but whatever. There's nothing more disrespectful than a man who feels the need to play games with me. News flash...i'm not playing the game. I don't need excuses, I don't need empty promises, I don't need some man to come and rescue me from what they perceive as "a failed life". What I do need is honesty and answers to very direct questions that I ask. Did he think I was joking or something when I said I'm not sweating him anymore? Why would he feel I need to chase after him when it's obvious i'm not his type. I can't believe he wasn't mature enough to actually develop a friendship with me. Then again maybe I don't have the qualities he seeks out in friends. I don't know and at this point don't really care. Well...let me rephrase that...I always care however I don't obsess and stress about these things anymore. I've had my life/death realizations. It really angers me that he couldn't even man up to answer my questions on the phone two days ago. Why did he even bother to call me? What was the point? To tell me he's the man and I'll show me just how arrogant he can be?Again, there's nothing more unattractive than a man who plays childish games.

If he were to call there would be yet again some other excuse (I usually hear violins playing in my head when I get an email). But we all know he's not going to do that. He'll do what all guys do...just make an excuse or simply ignore and act like I simply never existed. Why the excuses...we aren't even friends! That's the question he wouldn't even answer! I don't know what the problem was for him. Not sure if he thinks I wanted to date him or be his friend because of money (news flash...if that was the case I would have continued to date Derrick and even then I don't want other people's money...I want my own!). The funny thing with that is with the exception of one or two meals, I paid the tab all the time when we would meet up for lunch. I made it a point to do that so that he would know it's not about money. I may not have a lot but I do know how to budget well! Or, is there some deep psychological issue that only he can work out but isn't telling anyone? I can't speculate about it and won't. He's grown and can speak. I know in that dream I was told we are to remain in contact with one another however I don't have the strength anymore to deal with the bullshit. If we really are to remain in touch, he's going to have to be the initiator now. I can only hope God forgives me for putting my needs first over my fellow human being but I feel I have to at this point. Right now all I have is me and a select few real friends who truly care about me. I am going to have to write O'Neil off just like Jason. At this point in my life I can't have negative people and their negative actions in my world right now. I wish I had the strength to continue doing what I am supposed to be doing in O'Neil's case but I can't...just can't. I'm sure he'll be just fine. He has his wife, girlfriend, friends, business, money, whatever to get him through. Like I have always said...I'm just a simple girl from Brooklyn. I may not have any of the physical things that money can buy but I know in my heart I have so much more than even the richest of people and for right now, that's good enough for me. I'll be doing better soon and by then, new friendships will emerge.