Mizu Madness

Last night Jean treated me to dinner at Mizu. I must say I miss the usual lunches and every so often dinners at the place. He filled me in on some of the shenanigans of the people at TWC. Still sounds like a mess there. While my daily life currently isn't a bed of roses, I am very happy that I am no longer in that toxic environment. Some of the things he told me also validated my beliefs and proved that I was correct in standing my ground on certain battles in the departmental war. I always tell the group to pick and choose your battles. I chose the right ones even if it meant being fired for no valid reason. I hope he gets out of there soon. He's been talking about grad school for the past two years. He better get on it...soon. I went to class after dinner. It was a really good class discussion and for the first time, everyone had a comment about the readings. Tonight was the last night we were focusing on Brazil and the concept they have on racial democracy. It's amazing what a country can do when they try to ignore race yet consistently separate and define its people by it. Next week we start readings on Trinidad and Tobago. I feel groggy and very stiff today. I'm going to push myself to a workout even though I don't really feel like going. I'm feeling lazy like I just want to sleep all day lazy. I'm still having trouble structuring my methodology for my PDR. I think i'm overthinking and stressing over it when I really shouldn't. But hey...that's what I do! Ha ha. I guess i'm just nervous because it involves a client and I always want to do the best job and secondly, if I don't pass this class I don't graduate. Scary prospect. Only really have ten weeks left. That's not a lot of time at all. I'm sure I will be fine. If I can get through listening to all these folks outside chipping away at ice and sleet practically all morning long then I can focus on just about anything! ha ha. it's annoying. I better get ready and then I have a phone interview with Maria for the paper.

The Cleanup

Talk about highly weird scenarios. This morning I had a dream that I was in an actual political debate with Nancy Pelosi and another female candidate. We were all sitting at a lunch room style table and swarms of reporters were around us. I remember my opponent had many handlers around her and every time Pelosi asked a question, you could hear the other woman's people feeding her information about the issue at hand and basically answering the questions for her. At one point Pelosi looked at me and said "at least you ask tough questions and are challenging". We laughed and joked a bit will the other opposition was being fed yet another answer. I remember commenting how hot it was in the room and someone in an orange jacket got up and opened up these high public school type windows. That's all I can recall. I find this dream very interesting because I have no political background whatsoever! While I try to keep up with local and national news, I would have to classify myself as a novice to politics. I can be analytical and highly opinionated...some of the earmarks of a politician....however that is one genre I would NOT want to work in ever...even as a lobbyist. The arena is too volatile and I don't have the heart to be cutthroat. I also find this dream a bit fascinating because it's like the third or fourth dream in recent memory where I'm debating or having a discussion with a high powered figure. It's pretty darn cool that I meet these folks in dreams when in reality I probably will never cross paths with them. I know I should never say never but it seems highly unlikely for me to be talking with the Speaker of the House or Donald Trump.

It's very early and still somewhat quiet outside. The street plows have come through several times in an effort to clear up some of yesterday's snow, ice, and sleet storm. It will be extra icy outside today...and very cold. The wind was howling all through the night and I know many neighbors will wake up this morning to find their garbage cans on the next block. I heard a few tumbling up and down the block. Now I hear shovels and lots of chipping and digging outside. I emailed and called Ev and Rae about the wedding the other day. I was looking forward to being a bridesmaid but now it will not be financially possible for me to participate. I feel kind of bad because now she will have to find a replacement in addition to all the other craziness of planning such a special event. I'm sure they understand but still I feel a bit sad about it. I'll think about the perfect gift to get for them. Yesterday was Valentine's Day so it was a good day for everyone to be home with their significant other. I went to class and actually received a hand made Valentine from one of my classmate's daughter. She made one for everyone in the class while we were listening to the guest speaker. When I got home, I had a cup of hot chocolate and found joy in balloons. Alot of people celebrate Valentine's day as a marker their true heartfelt love for one another. I've never been the recipient of love in that manner so maybe I don't understand the sentiment that is supposed to be attached with the day. I try to understand it from a couple perspective in addition to my single self perspective but to me it's just another day. Like Christmas should be celebrated every day, so should Valentine's Day. I better stop before I go off on a tangent. The sun is beginning to rise so I better go but i'll revisit later.

The President's Briefing

Why is it that every time I watch the President address the nation, I keep thinking that he is one of the dumbest men ever born? So steadfast on being right especially in regards to the war that he is willing to allow more and more Americans die to "finish the job". He's still speaking now and with each breath I get angrier. When he was asked about maintaining peace with allies who support some of Iran's policies, our leader actually said that in some cases money trumps peace. What?!? Did I hear that correctly? In my head that literally translated to money is more important than people. What ever happened to people first? Bush says it's difficult achieving multilateral democracy. Maybe that could be because we in the U.S. are too arrogant with our political views and policies. I'll be the first to admit I'd rather live here than in some oppressed society like North Korea or China. However, on some small level I think we want to believe we live in a democratic society but we really live under a monolithic view instead. The president does what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants it. He has carte blanche regardless of whatever other pressures are around. It goes to show you can be stupid regardless of how much money and power you have simply because of arrogance. When do you think Bush will work with a speech coach? He has two years to go so maybe one day we'll actually hear an articulate address.

All Quiet on the Eastern Front

Quiet is the snow that falls outside. A messy mix of crap is starting to blanket the city. I wish it would snow enough so I can make some Snow Angelas. I had to go out and buy a pair of boots to get me through the slickness that is promised for tomorrow. So many things that I do need...at least that was an almost easy fix. Two stores and an hour later I found something simple and affordable. I feel better today. After this afternoon's workout, I bought myself some balloons, three green and three pink. It screams girl and springtime. It gives me energy and makes me smile. Something so simple, impractical, fun. It reminds me not to get caught up in nonsense and to forgive myself for some of my stupid mistakes. Of course the group i'm working with in one class is that of last minute work. We have homework due tomorrow and they started working on it around 4pm today. Needless to say I will have to stay up to due additions and revisions to get it back to them by 1pm. Sometimes I hate group projects. They do have their pros and cons. I need to finish working on revamping the resume. Not an easy task but I have to get it done. Career fairs are literally right around the corner. Anyway, I better get going.

Stupid, Stupid,Stupid

o.k. today I did something totally stupid. I can't even say it in my head let alone out loud...just stupid, stupid, stupid. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. O.k. i'm going to read then sleep and forget about my stupidity. I need to repeat my affirmations times two tonight and tomorrow morning. At least the snow is coming so that will make me feel so much better. Too bad I don't actually own a pair of boots to walk in it. Hope it's not too messy for me to get to class.

Another Beginning

With the start of the new week, I have to say I have mixed emotions. I feel good but edgy at the same time. I had a scary dream last night. It was nightime and I remember looking out of the window into the back yard (at my mother's house) where I saw a blue mini-van turning around. Then I saw another car, a black one, trying to pull in as well. In the next instance I remember seeing a long sharp knife. I raced to the phone to call 911 but the call would not connect every time I tried dialing for help. I remember grabbing my cell phone to call while going back to the window to look to see what was going on. Then I remember seeing blood but I wasn't sure who exactly was hurt. I had a second dream after that. I was in a store shopping with someone and I picked up a skirt. The price tag was marked $172 down from the original price of $272. My friend told me to try it on and I told her I shouldn't but she insisted. I remember the skirt being black and resembled a Betsey Johnson design. When I went into the dressing room, it had all of these pieces of jewelry racks all over the place. There was a mere curtain for privacy in the small room. I remember other women coming into the space to try on their items. We all joked about how small the space was. I woke up.

Two completely different dreams on the same night. In one I was scared, the other having fun. I wonder if there is really any reality or true meaning in dreams. The first one I definitely would not want to be real. I can't really attach any meaning to them because they don't make sense. It is the second time I have had a dream where calling 911 was non-productive. Maybe I don't have faith that if something was happening anyone would be there to help. Also, yesterday I was talking about needing to buy boots just in case we get some major snow this season. I don't own any right now so maybe that's why part of the second dream involved shopping. Who knows if these dreams are even supposed to make sense or merit interpretation. It's the beginning of a new week so i'm going to look forward to the rest of the week and put this latest nightmare behind me. I already got two great surprise gifts and I am looking forward to the gift to mayelf buying myself some balloons!

The Element of Surprise

It's been a bit busy the last few days which is good. I am starting to feel a little bit unfocused but i'm turning the tide on that very quickly. I have to remain focused now more than ever. It was a good weekend of surprises. Miriam told me earlier in the week that she sent me something but she didn't tell me what. She sent me drinking chocolate! Love it. Her attached note was so beautiful and made me feel really grateful to have her as a friend in my life. I'm drinking a cup of hot cocoa right now. Alison also called me this week to tell me to keep an eye out for something. Again, she wouldn't tell me what she sent me. That arrived yesterday as well. It was a Valentine's Day gift of chocolate and speciality popcorn. It was really sweet and also very thoughtful. It's very rare that I receive surprises and I ended up with two in the same week! How special and amazing. How lucky am I? Very. Just when I find myself feeling self-doubt creeping in, God has a way of reminding me that I am truly blessed.

I had to make some tough decisions this week and I can only hope and pray I made the right call and am doing the right things. I'm taking an even bigger gamble on myself but I believe I am worth it. Financially, I calculated that I can live o.k until June. If I don't find a job match by then I'm going to be homeless. I'm going to pray extra hard that it doesn't come to that. In the meantime, I am revamping my resume and making the changes recommended by Carol at career services. There's another round of career fairs coming up next week so I want to be ready for that as well. I still have to sign up for Marathon Day. Not particularly looking forward to that since it takes up seven hours but I'm going to do it because it can help me in my career search.

As for my thesis...I feel like i'm a bit behind even though I am not. However it does feel like time is ticking away. I want to do a great job...no...correction...I will do a great job. I need to remain focused. I wish I was stronger with survey setup but I don't have enough time (we'll maybe but I have to talk to my advisor first). Still in research mode and preliminary client interview. I am looking forward to the project because it give me a chance to be both traditional and innovative. Anyway...I better go but maybe i'll have time later to revisit.