Playing Catch up With the News

10:31am...Its really quiet for a Saturday morning. I almost thought it was Sunday! Feeling much better today than yesterday morning after getting much needed sleep. I haven't debated news items in a really long time so I should play catch up. But first...I'm really hungry so I better eat breakfast. Ha ha. Will revisit in about 30 minutes.

12:10pm...ok i'm back. After eating breakfast I got slightly distracted by something else. Anyway, the big news story of the week locally was the shooting on Rogers Avenue. I always wonder why suspects run especially when they know that shooting a cop is like putting the bullet right to your own head! Why run?!? Of course all three were caught and will more than likely face murder and attempted murder charges. I feel for the family of the officer clinging to life at Kings County Hospital. He is more than likely going to die. Very tragic. So where there's death we must speak of life. In a completely separate story, Senator Alfonse D'Amato and his wife are having a baby. Why is this news? Well..because D'Amato is 70 and his wife is 41! He has 14 grandchildren. All I can say is wow! On some level it's great that a child is on the way. On the other hand, part of me is like...he's too old to be impregnating anyone! While his child will be financially supported, he probably won't be around once that child reaches 25. Obviously I have mixed emotions about these major age difference relationships and children produced from them.

On a national level, terror reigns as government officials continue to say we are in danger without trying to create mass hysteria. I have always known that it's not a matter of if we get attacked again in New York but rather a matter of when. A lot of people don't remember the attempted plot attack on Atlantic Avenue's train hub years ago. That station is the "Times Square" of Brooklyn. Every time I go through there I think of that terror plot. I can only hope and pray that when the attack finally occurs, I and everyone I know and care about are safely someplace else. I just got my new movie from Netflix so I think I will watch that today (Borat) and then go for a walk to the park and read my book. Maybe more later.

Message Received

O.K. So the conclusion to the whole O'Neil thing is...he's such an ass...but we already knew this right?!? I don't know why guys feel the need to pull this power and control thing but whatever. There's nothing more disrespectful than a man who feels the need to play games with me. News flash...i'm not playing the game. I don't need excuses, I don't need empty promises, I don't need some man to come and rescue me from what they perceive as "a failed life". What I do need is honesty and answers to very direct questions that I ask. Did he think I was joking or something when I said I'm not sweating him anymore? Why would he feel I need to chase after him when it's obvious i'm not his type. I can't believe he wasn't mature enough to actually develop a friendship with me. Then again maybe I don't have the qualities he seeks out in friends. I don't know and at this point don't really care. Well...let me rephrase that...I always care however I don't obsess and stress about these things anymore. I've had my life/death realizations. It really angers me that he couldn't even man up to answer my questions on the phone two days ago. Why did he even bother to call me? What was the point? To tell me he's the man and I'll show me just how arrogant he can be?Again, there's nothing more unattractive than a man who plays childish games.

If he were to call there would be yet again some other excuse (I usually hear violins playing in my head when I get an email). But we all know he's not going to do that. He'll do what all guys do...just make an excuse or simply ignore and act like I simply never existed. Why the excuses...we aren't even friends! That's the question he wouldn't even answer! I don't know what the problem was for him. Not sure if he thinks I wanted to date him or be his friend because of money (news flash...if that was the case I would have continued to date Derrick and even then I don't want other people's money...I want my own!). The funny thing with that is with the exception of one or two meals, I paid the tab all the time when we would meet up for lunch. I made it a point to do that so that he would know it's not about money. I may not have a lot but I do know how to budget well! Or, is there some deep psychological issue that only he can work out but isn't telling anyone? I can't speculate about it and won't. He's grown and can speak. I know in that dream I was told we are to remain in contact with one another however I don't have the strength anymore to deal with the bullshit. If we really are to remain in touch, he's going to have to be the initiator now. I can only hope God forgives me for putting my needs first over my fellow human being but I feel I have to at this point. Right now all I have is me and a select few real friends who truly care about me. I am going to have to write O'Neil off just like Jason. At this point in my life I can't have negative people and their negative actions in my world right now. I wish I had the strength to continue doing what I am supposed to be doing in O'Neil's case but I can't...just can't. I'm sure he'll be just fine. He has his wife, girlfriend, friends, business, money, whatever to get him through. Like I have always said...I'm just a simple girl from Brooklyn. I may not have any of the physical things that money can buy but I know in my heart I have so much more than even the richest of people and for right now, that's good enough for me. I'll be doing better soon and by then, new friendships will emerge.

Happy Friday

Well...made it through another week and God willing another weekend. My mother is on her way over here now...early as usual...so that I can lift all of the heavy stuff my sister doesn't do so that they can eat. I'm feeling a little sleep deprived. Nothing like being exposed to one or both of my parental units to calm me down. Ha ha. So...I'm a little annoyed by a phone call from one of my friends this morning. She called to ask me if I would be interested in going to the upcoming Beyonce concert. I told her while I would love to I don't want to spend the money on tickets (the price is outrageous). What bothered me about the whole call is that it came across that if perchance I would have said yes, she would have wanted me to search and purchase the tickets to be repaid back at a later time. I call it the "user syndrome". Also, I'm usually the one who thinks of everyone else and does the legwork....no condition of repayment immediately. There was not even an offer of buying a ticket for me and saying "Ang, I know you always pay your debts I'll get a ticket for you pay me later". No....didn't hear that. Funny thing is all of the people who have cash problems are those who have great jobs and a support system in place. Go figure. I had a sucky job and really don't have anyone to really help with major stuff and yet I was able to save money and budget properly. Go figure. O.K. that's my tirade for today. I better go. More later.

The Loves of My Life

My lover Mr. Insomnia is back. He likes to keep me awake all night long...exhausting me...teasing me with the promise of may dreams that will be fulfilled, eventually. My other boyfriend Mr. Icy Hot is starting to suspect something. He's my on again off again daytime lover. I'm sitting in the darkness right now with the only light coming from the computer monitor. I found myself attempting to sleep about an hour ago but rather found myself eventually bursting into an uncontrollable crying session. I needed to release some tension that can't be worked out in the gym. I'm feeling slightly down but i'm fighting really hard not to have a pity party. I hate that it's summertime and I find myself doing almost everything by myself as usual. It really sucks! Nobody out there interested in me as far as I know and if I don't go out and fish for myself I'll literally starve. I really think the basic need for companionship is really giving me a one two punch. Intrinsically, I do believe that we are made to be paired. The problem is that i'm not meeting anyone really (well anyone who has expressed interest in dating me except David...and while I like him as a person...i'm just not feeling a connection with him beyond friendship). All of my coupled friends don't know any single people (yeah right) except for me. I wish there was someone I could talk to on nights like this. Maybe one day. I hope soon. Funny thing is I have been feeling pretty good overall for the past few months. I feel strong but every so often have nights like this were I feel slightly lonely. Even that irritates me! I'm Angela. What is there to feel sad about. I may not have much but i've got me and I believe I'm a good person with a good spirit. Keeping myself occupied. Tomorrow (or later this morning) is a Costco run. I think on Monday after I do my daily job searches I'm going to head to a museum. Never did get around to going to seeing certain exhibits. I think I can get in free with my old company ID card. o.k. I better try to get some sleep since I have to be awake in literally seven hours. I can't believe it's after 2am. Perhaps I need to look into getting a prescription for Ambien or something before my medical insurance runs out. I'll debate it. More later.

One Word about Men

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Wednesday, Wednesday

For the past few days I have been having sleep issues again. I won't call it insomnia just yet but that's pretty much what it is anyway. Fall asleep after 2am, wake up around 6, fall back asleep. You get the picture. Also have a slight headache that keeps kicking up too. Today i'm feeling about 80 percent fine. Headache is still there and my body is pretty sore after yesterday's workout. I couldn't do treadmill because of the tendinitis in my right ankle but hopefully it will heal if I take care. On the job front, these organizations take forever with this interview process. The team interviews are usually grueling...always one person who takes the role of asking difficult questions. For the most part I can actually say I am calm under pressure. I really do hope a good fit turns up for me really, really soon. I'm almost finished going through savings. I'm going to have to temp for a while if something solid doesn't come through. If you really think about it, I've actually been living the past ten months below the poverty level. It's crazy. The price one must pay for wanting better sometimes is too high but what can you do except take on the task of trying to pay the debt while moving forward right? o.k. I better go. Have several errands to run and then it's back to work on the database project for Jeff and Darren. It's going to take me about a month to enter eight years worth of info that they neglected to do! Hey...at least I know how to organize. LOL. More later.

10:43pm....ok. Truly a busy phone day. It's odd...like everyone under the sun was calling. My father calling to go to Costco, a friend and former coworker telling me about the old job, phone tag with Lorraine, Jeff asking about the project, Court calling to invite me to Shark Week activities next week, Landmark called about continuing seminar sessions and here's the big one...O'Neil actually used the phone and called! Must be the twilight zone or something. Very heavy phone activity indeed. I'm going to attempt to go to sleep in about an hour. Have to get up early tomorrow to get some clothes altered. Yipee...down another dress size. Way cool. Like I said...just wait...another year and a half from now....look out! I'll be even hotter. LOL. O.K. More tomorrow.