Snow is in the Air

Today was a pretty good day. Good workout as usual and I had to weigh in for the guys. Not bad...down three from last Friday. Last week when I went to visit Alison in the hospital, I sneaked a weigh in on one of those fancy scales they have there. You know those things are really accurate. Anyway, Alison got to go home yesterday. I must say I was a bit surprised that after a transplant one can go home so quickly. I guess it's a good thing because that must mean everything is o.k. I'll take her some balloons and flowers over the weekend. Tonight's class was a very interesting discussion on whether the U.S. is a monolithic society or a melting pot/multicultural society. For the most part, the class went with the latter. I, on the other hand, believe the U.S. could be considered an undercover monolithic society. We may have many different cultures here in the States that seem to blend together, however, there is an underlying current that says you have to speak English and go along with the presidents agenda..whatever it is for the day. As soon as any other sub-alternate cultural idea emerges, we "Americans" attempt to counter and squash it. Next week's class should be equally interesting as we will discuss race relations in Brazil. I don't know anything about their culture so the week's reading should be good. I still have to go by the book store to buy the two textbooks that the professor recommended that we purchase. Actually, maybe i'll go by the library first to see if I can check them out for free.

Walking home from workout, I could feel the coldness of snow approaching. Something about the air gives it away. I love it. Even better that at least for now I rent so I don't have to shovel anything. Had the landlord's kin been nicer to me I would offer to help at times but since they are so mean...damn them. Last time it snowed I know they cursed my name because I went out and played in the snow before they could shovel it all away. Ha ha. What good is having pretty snow outside if you aren't going to play first and then work to remove it??? It's supposed to be really cold the next few days. Of course I broke the zipper to my favorite jacket today. I better go get that fixed otherwise I might be screwed come Sunday. At least I'll have a good pot of homemade clam chowder to keep me warm. I must say it turned out pretty darn good! My compliments to the chef...me! Ha ha.

I was just thinking that Valentine's Day is in two weeks. I think i'm going to do something fun and different like buying myself balloons just for the fun of it. I pass by Party City just about every day so I think after my workout that day that's what i'm going to do. It will be nice coming into something fun when I get back from class that night. I'll even act all surprised when I walk back in the door. No matter what it will be fun and a guaranteed smile for me! Anyway...I better try to get some sleep. I need to get this MOU draft done and talk to Maria about the project. I want to get straight A's this semester. It will be a good way to finish out the degree.

Nothing to Report

I feel rested this morning. It's been a while since I've made an early morning class. I actually woke up about an hour ago and couldn't fall back asleep. I still have one class to read for and work for seminar to still write. At least I have huge chunks of time this week to get it done. 22 degrees outside and still dark...that's the only thing I hate about winter is the darkness of the mornings. Nobody except the bad people are out this time of morning. That reminds me that I need to take another self defense course. I better finish getting ready to go soon. I don't like being late.

8pm...O.K. so why did it take me three trains, a bus ride, and car service to do a trip from my workout to my mother's house and then back home?!? Just to get the eight or so stops to the normal train stop was three trains. Each train would go about two stops then re-route forcing me to get off and wait for the next one. Craziness. Once I got to her house, I was able to pick up the stuff that I needed and took a long, hot shower. My sister came home and was in the kitchen by the time I got back downstairs. You would think with two cars she would offer me a ride home. Anywho, my trip home cost me the equivalent of a week's worth of transportation to and from school but it doesn't matter. At least I had some money to get home. It was a good workout today and of course my boyfriend, Mr. IcyHot, greeted me with much needed TLC. Ha ha. I am struggling with this MOU. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right but at least it's just the draft due early next week so my advisor will let me know. He didn't really spend much time or give many details on how to write one. Hopefully the books I borrow from Dez will clarify some stuff.

God Don't Make Junk

It's really early on Monday morning and snow is still falling lightly outside. It's extra quiet this time of the morning in comparison to the car noise heading to the expressway just after 7am. I can't sleep. The calming cup of herbal tea that was supposed to ease me into a relaxing sleep has managed to make me get up to go to the bathroom twice already. Go figure. I feel less edgy now compared to the last two days. It's really soothing watching the snow fall and blanket the cars and street below. How interesting to me that I felt the snow on Saturday. I knew it was coming. I sensed it. I really do love the wintertime. While everything is dormant, you know that just below the surface is the stirring of possibility and renewal. I am adding a new affirmation to my daily list. "I release all my negative emotions... I am confident" I realize that I let fear of exclusion and rejection throw me off kilter not all the time but enough times to forget that God Don't Make Junk. I am just as special and unique the way I was intended to be. I shouldn't let fear control certain aspects of my life or any of it for that matter. I've travelled a long road from the person I use to be. Why visit the same places when there's a whole world to explore. I am a worthwhile person and I attract joy into my life. I excluded this affirmation for a while. I won't anymore.

Beginning of a New Week

Nothing like a huge cup of hot cocoa to make me feel better...which I do feel better today. I realized around 2am that Friday and Saturdays aren't necessarily my most favorite days and I know why. I'm going to have to work hard to break this. This morning's dream was interesting. In this one I was some type of criminal investigator or detective. My partner and I were at a doctor's elaborate home asking him questions. I showed him a photo of a pregnant woman he knew. She was wearing a red dress and gold colored high heeled shoes. The question asked must have been something to the effect of if she could jump in those shoes because in the dream the doctor did a demonstration (similar to mini-hopping like a rabbit) to test out the question. He turned to me and said "no...it's not possible...not in those shoes." As we were walking out the door I thanked the doctor again and he grabbed my hand and said "for you...anytime." It felt as he knew me well. When my partner and I got to the car (which was a blue, two door sportscar), somebody had ripped off the driver side door. The feeling that I got was that it was payback to him for some type of lover's rage. He laughed and joked as he picked up the door and put it back on the drivers side. As I entered the car on the passenger side, there was dirt all over the seat as if though someone stomped all over it. I remember shaking my head and cleaning up the mess. That's all I remember about this particular dream.

I woke up really late today...just after 11am. It's been a good while since I've done that. Lots to do today including the rest of my readings for this week's classes. I also need to read up more on investing. Now that i'm looking at my statement a bit closer, I actually did pretty well this year by having the foresite to max out on my contributions in 2006. There was a 22% return on my contributions in the past year. But now that I will have to manage my own retirement account I, like most other women, am a bit intimidated by how to invest wisely. I know I can do it though. I'm going to approach this like one of my classes and pace myself, read up on info, and most importantly...diversify. I was lucky last year in the sense that company stock did well in addition to mutual fund I selected. I'm a novice but I'm learning. I was devastated several years ago when I had to cash out my 401k's just so that I could make basic living expenses and other bills because there was no other alternative. I'm not going to do that this go around even if I have to live on the street! I at least started the process last night which feels empowering.

On a different note...i'm having trouble with my abstract statement and MOU for seminar. I have to word this thing properly. I know I shouldn't be doubting myself but if I screw this up I don't graduate. I think i'm overthinking it too much. I just want to stay on top of everything since the job search interrupts any type of normal work flow. At least for now I do have time on my side in the sense that if I was working right now I would be down by at least five hours per day to do schoolwork. I have an appt with career services in two weeks so that should help in the search as well. I better go. Still have reading and other tasks to do. Maybe more later.